Sleep

The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (UPMC) has received a federal research grant of $9.8 million to study insomnia in seniors - insomnia being defined as having trouble falling asleep and/or waking up during sleep.

I've been conducting my own research, and have determined the top three reasons for insomnia in seniors.

#3 Pain. Sometimes its shoulder pain, sometimes its leg cramps, sometimes (like last night) their big toe hurts. (I don't know what's up with that.)

#2 Worry. Seniors worry about stuff, including their kids, their 401(k), global warming and the federal deficit - including why the government is spending spending $9.8 million for an insomnia study.

#1 The number one reason why seniors wake up in the middle of the night - they have to pee.

I'll be contacting UPMC to get my share of the research grant.